Wednesday, July 1, 2009

I'm finally being the person I wanted to be; the person I knew I was and could be to myself and other people, if I treated everything right. I'm taking the mental puddy I needed to be happy, and now I'm really making things with it. Like playdough sloths. Maybe not, but it's sure something close to that. I'm getting more confident, more comfortable, more sure of myself. Which is weird for me. But it's all starting to make sense. And knock on wood, but this has lasted just about over 2 weeks, and it's felt really good. Hopefully I can take what I'm learning and use it for the good and the bad, the blissful and the bland, and make a better life for myself. One not fulled with complete immersion with depression, but instead one that rides along and deals with things as they come, never letting something knock her to the floor.
"Is this the place you wanna live, is this where you wanna be?" the Stiff Little Fingers shouts, and I listened a few weeks ago, and that sure as hell was not where I wanted to be. Here I am, figuring out where I do want to be. To be able to live as I should, be who I should be. I have wonderful friends and wonderful jobs going on right now. I need self discipline so I can learn how to behave within my own life. David Daniel said once in my poetry class:

"You cannot always seperate the gloom from the beautiful- you can only celebrate it."

That's what I'm trying to do. Celebrate it.

It's kind of like, instead of trying to cut away all the bullshit (which you never can), avoid it (which you also never can), I'm just absorbing it into the good things and the rest of life, so I can just "celebrate"-in a sense- the good and the bad by just letting it happen and dealing with it with a level head.

And also, listen to ONLY classic rock, punk, or folk music. This indie shit has gone straight to my head. Seriously. I think the second you let your brain "transcend" what music truly is-- music and people-- you start to defeat the purpose and instead get sucked into a vortex of a world that doesn't really exist. Just like Plato and his silly cloud of forms.

I just can't do that right now. So bye, hippy hipster stuffs. So long, 'til a more stable day.

Anyway, here goes.


The New Elwood